Somewhere I Belong
by suchasaddeparting
Summary: I was in love, but I couldn't tell him my secret. To tell him would be to lose him and I wasn't ready for that. AH EB of course. Rate M-lemons!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Song is called "Sober" by Kelly Clarkson. Great song. [= Again, I own nothing but the plot. sadly. **

"_Three months, and I'm still sober. _

_Picked all my weeds, but kept the flowers._

_But I know it's never really over._

_And I don't know, I could crash and burn_

_But maybe, at the end of this road I might _

_Catch a glimpse of me._

_So I won't worry about my timing_

_I wanna get it right_

_No comparing, second guessing no not this time._

_Three months and I'm still breathing._

_Been a long road since those hands I left my_

_Tears in. but I know it's never really over._

_Three months and I'm still standing here_

_Three months and I'm still breathing._

_Three months and I'm still remembering_

_Three months and I'm still sober._

_Picked all my weeds, but kept the flowers."_

That's how long it's been. Three months since I've seen him, three months of crying, of nightmares, of my best friends telling me it would be okay. Three long, torturous months of wishing he would return my calls, and forgive me. But, I know that won't happen. I thought I could do it, and I was wrong. Like always.


	2. Meeting him

_--Three months back -_

"Bella! You're late, and we were short on time anyway!" Alice yelled as I walked through the door. I rolled my eyes and I began stripping down. "Chill out pixie! My hair is already done, I just have to change and reapply the face. Ben kept trying to get me to stay. You'd think they'd get it by now ya know?" I explained, rummaging through my closest.

"Tell me about it!" Rosalie exclaimed, coming to also rummage through my closest. "Mark has called all week, asking to take me out on a real date. I keep telling him sorry, it doesn't work that way. It drives me crazy! They know the rules before we go, and yet they always want to break them." She mumbled, trying on a royal blue low v-neck sweater. I pulled a black one of the same thing out, and tried it on.

"Give me that!" We said at the same time. It was always like this. Alice always shopped for us, almost daily, and we always ended up having the same stuff in different colors, but wanting each others anyway. Alice came in and threw a pair of black stilettos at Rose, and a pair of silver ballet flats to me. I slipped the sweater on, changed my blue jeans, and then slipped the shoes on. We really were running late if Alice wasn't going to bitch about the jeans I was wearing.

"Okay, who's up for the night?" I asked, swapping purses with her.

"Um, you have a guy named Jay. He's twenty-eight, his brother's getting married in two weeks, wanted to meet you first before he decided to take you. He knows the rules, quick dinner, quick chat, no kissing etc, done in an hour." She explained, grabbing the keys.

"He better be cute if he expects me to do a damn wedding! I hate May, I swear, I get all the stupid weddings! Don't they know it'll only last a few years if even that?" I complained, walking out the door with them. They both laughed.

"Ah, the ever present wedding hater. Don't you believe in love?" Rose asked whimsically. I snorted. "Love is jaded, and fake." I replied, hopping in my car.

Yes, we were escorts. It was a business we started our freshman years in college as a way to earn extra money, and let's just say business was great. We never slept with the men, unless we really liked them, which was rare, and we barely ever kissed. With the exception of a wedding or something where the guy told the family we were their girlfriend. We always stopped escorting when we actually went out and met a guy we were interested in dating-i.e. not someone in need of an escort.

I arrived at the coffee shop a few minutes late, obviously. This was the designated spot, always. We knew it well, the employees knew us well, and it was close to home. We could bail quickly if needed. Always a bonus in this business. Thirty minutes later, I had said goodbye to Jay, agreeing to another fucking wedding! Ugh, I was so tired of those!

That was the first night I saw him. He was beautiful, to say the least. His hair was messy, in a very sexy way, and a weird bronzed color. It was…lovely. I wanted to run my fingers through it just looking at him. The rest of him wasn't bad looking either, but I really loved his eyes. The most amazing shade of green I'd ever seen. It was like he could see straight into my soul. I wanted to jump him right there, but when he looked at me, I forgot how to breathe. He gave me this gorgeous crooked grin, and quickly looked down like he was shy. Oh. My. Gosh. Can you have an orgasm by just getting smiled at? Just kidding. Maybe.

Once he left, I remembered how to breathe. I wanted to follow him, but I didn't dare. He was so out of my league. But, oh to dream. I licked my lips, and got up. Okay, time to go home and take a cold shower. Why couldn't someone like him need an escort? I'd go with him anywhere. And I do mean anywhere. Even if it was just to his bed. Oh, did I think that out loud? When I got home, I quickly took a shower, and threw on a tank top and boy shorts to lounge around in. I knew the others wouldn't be home for awhile. They were both on real dates tonight. Which was another reason I was late today, I'd been taking their clients as well. I turned on the TV, ordered some take out, and prepared for my night of relaxation.

About fifteen minutes later, the door bell rang. I jumped up, grabbed my wallet, and swung the door wide open fully expecting to see the Chinese delivery guy. Instead, it was him. You know, **him**, the one I about climaxed over at the coffee shop. My first thought was stalker, and my second was come to take me to bed? Ha, I'm ridiculous, I know.

"Uh, hi?" It sound confused, which was pretty good. Because I was more…shocked than anything. He gave me that damned crooked grin again and I forgot to breathe. After a few seconds, ya know when I started to get dizzy I remembered to breathe, and realized he had said something. Good going moron.

"Sorry what was that?" I asked.

"I asked if you were Isabella." He stated. Oh, gosh that voice. Silky, smooth seduction. Oh, please take me to bed. I cleared my throat, and tried to remove all thoughts of sex from my head. "Yeah that's me, but call me Bella." Or whatever else you'd like. Stop it! He smiled again, and handed me a card. What the…oh!

"You dropped this outside, and it looked important. So I figured I should bring it back." He explained. It was a business card, with Jay's information on it. I would have been screwed without that. I quickly blushed, and tried to cover it with my hair, and then I realized my hair was in a messy bun. Awesome. "Right, well thanks." I stated, biting my lip. Oh my gosh! I was nervous! I never get nervous with guys! Not since high school! This was getting ridiculous.

"You're very welcome. Have a nice night." He said, and walked away. My brain was screaming at me to call him back and invite him in, but it was also then I remembered I had greeted him in my underwear. Fudge. I had just closed the door when someone knocked again. I jumped and went to turn around quickly, thus causing me to fall on my face. "OW!" I yelled, clutching my toe. Stupid clumsy horny little bitch! I scolded myself, jumping up and throwing the door open. It was him again, and the Chinese guy.


	3. The datepart 1

I paid for the food, still balancing on one foot by the way, and invited him in.

"I'm Edward." Edward, nice. I could already picture myself calling his name out. Okay, what the hell was up with all the sexual thoughts tonight? Sheesh! It hasn't been that long has it? Oh my gosh, it has. Great. "Did you want some?" I asked, pulling my food out. When he didn't respond, I turned only to have his lips come crashing down on mine. My hormone crazed body reacted instinctively wrapping my arms around his neck, and my legs around his waist. We were undressed in record timing, and I moaned when he slid into me. He was laying hot, wet kisses in a trail from my cheek to my neck, nipping lightly as he went.

It was over as quickly as it had started, but it was the best fuck I'd ever had. He left shortly after, leaving his number, and another hot kiss my lips that left me wanting desperately wanting another round. I could now add sex on the counter to my list of hottest places to have sex. I had just cleaned up and gotten dressed when the girls walked in. I couldn't stop smiling as I walking into the living room with the food, a bottle of wine, and a few glasses.

"Girls, I promise you I want to hear about your dates, but I have to tell you this first." I exclaimed, sitting down between them. They both squealed, knowing what was coming. Sort of. They started serving the food while I poured the wine. "So I saw this guy tonight at the coffee shop, not Jay, this was after that, and he left before I could say anything, but he showed up here and we had sex and I think I'm gonna call him tomorrow for another romp." I said quickly.

"What?" They yelled in unison. I couldn't help but smile at them, knowing that they knew what I was feeling. That feeling you get right a good lay, the euphoric, nothing can touch you, greatest day ever feeling. Ahh, it was amazing. I spent the next twenty minutes or so gushing about this mysterious Edward, pretending not to care entirely too much, but on the inside I was freaking out. I couldn't wait for tomorrow to get here so I could call him. Once I was finished blabbing about my amazing lay, and of course, after I gave the details with Jay, they took turns telling me all about their wonderful dates.

Alice's date, Jasper, was the cutest as she put it. They went to a nice little diner twenty minutes from Brooklyn, and stayed there the entire time talking about everything and nothing at all. She thinks she's in love. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her, and she in turn, smacked me. Ah best friends. Rosalie's date was also amazing. Emmett was a dope, but a hot dope. He took her to play put put golf, and she actually enjoyed it. Then, he took her to a greasy burger joint in Brooklyn, and she also enjoyed that. Alice's date ended sweetly with a good night kiss on the cheek, Rosalie's ended about the same as mine. Just…not on a counter. Imagine that. We went through two bottles of wine before finally calling it a night around two a.m.

I was having a remarkable dream/reenactment of my romp with Edward when a stupid, annoying ringing noise began interfering. About the fourth ring I woke up, realizing it was my phone. I stumbled out bed, in search of the little black cellular device that was ruining my pleasant dreams. I should have never invested in one of those stupid things. I always lose it, and people always find me.

"Hello?" I mumbled my voice thick with sleep. I climbed back under my nice, warm covers and closed my eyes. "Bella? It's Edward. Did I wake you?" His velvety voice answered. Oh gosh he was a morning person! I sat up quickly, my eyes snapping open immediately. "No!" I winced at the loudness of my own voice, and instantly tried to rectify it. "Uh, sort of, but its okay. What's up?" I asked, now a little too low. Jeez Bella! Get a grip already!

I could hear him chuckling lightly, and smiled in turn. His laughter was melodic. Go figure. "I wanted to take you to breakfast, as sort of an apology for yesterday." He stated quietly. My heart sank at his words. I knew he was out of my league. I could feel my face grow hot from the blush that was quickly spreading. I was thankful he wasn't here to see that, it was so embarrassing. "I mean, I…uh, I don't normally act that way. And I just…really like you and I didn't want you to think that was all I wanted." He continued, almost too quickly for me to understand. I laughed, more at me than at him.

"Sorry. Um, okay? What time and where?" I asked, trying to contain my laughter. He cleared his throat. "Well, I'm actually already here. I was thinking we could jump on the ferry, and I could take you to this favorite spot of mine?" He replied. I froze. He was here, downstairs, waiting for me. Shit! "Okay, I'll be down in like…ten minutes!" I stated and hung up. Thank God I took a shower last night! I pulled my hair down, and ran my fingers through it. That would have to do for now, I didn't have time to style it. I opened my closet, and grabbed the first things I could reach. A pair of faded jeans, and my college hoodie. I threw a t-shirt on under it, and slipped my tennis shoes on. Not wanting to wake the girls, I quietly walked downstairs, brushed my teeth, grabbed my purse and keys, and shut the door as quietly behind me as I could manage.

There was a sleek, shiny Volvo parked in front of our building, and Edward was leaning against the hood looking all sexy. Oh, I don't think this was a good idea. When he smiled that lovely smile, I was positive this was a very bad idea. The ride to the ferry started off pretty quiet, and I didn't mind. I wasn't sure what to say to a guy I'd fucked after knowing him all of what-ten minutes? Apparently, he felt the same. Oh well, maybe all we'd ever amount to were a few good lays that was fine by me. I had to bite my lip to keep from smiling at the thought of last night. I don't know I could probably keep him around if it was like that all the time.

"What are you smiling about?" He asked, glancing over to me and then back to the road. Oh shit. He wasn't supposed to see that. I felt my face flush again. Damn it. "Oh, you're blushing. This must be good." He teased, smiling himself. Crap. What was I supposed to say? Surely I couldn't tell him what I was thinking about. Could I?

"It's nothing. Just remembering what my roommates had told me about their dates last night." I lied, praying he fell for it. I wasn't exactly the best liar out there. One look at him, and I knew I wasn't getting off that easily. I sighed and looked down at my lap. Crap. "I was thinking about…last night." I mumbled, not daring to look over at him. I was too embarrassed.

"Right, about that. Look, I'm-"

"If you're going to apologize for giving me a great fuck, don't. I don't want to hear it, to be perfectly honest. I don't see how there's anything to be sorry for, I mean, personally I had fun. If you didn't, or if you don't want to do it again just say so and we can avoid all this …awkward high school crock." I stated cutting him off abruptly. The truth was that my self esteem couldn't handle another blow like the one he gave this morning.

"Oh, trust me. I definitely plan on doing that again, very soon, with you. I just wanted to apologize for leaving so quickly after. I was feeling kind of…foolish. I mean, I've never done anything like that before. I've been with two other women, and both were after many months of dating them. I just…there's something about you…" He trailed off, realizing he'd said more than he intended. I just smiled. It was cute, now that he was nervous. I got the impression that he was about as used to that as I was, and that wasn't often at all.


	4. The date part 2

a/n: So..who's been enjoying their twilight movie along with me? anyone? [= too bad I don't own it. R&R please

Once on the ferry, all talking ceased. I loved going on the ferry. The girls and I would take it in the middle of the afternoon, for no reason other than to just kill some time. It was…peaceful, relaxing sort of. I imagined this was a glimpse of what it felt like to be on a cruise. Minus all the cars, and bums begging for change of course. We both got coffee, taking it the same way. Two sugars, once cream, a splash of water to cool it off a bit. We drove about five minutes past the ferry to a little corner café, and sat outside. There was just a slight chill to the air, but neither of us minded. This was my favorite time of year. The weather was not too cold, nor too hot. I could wear tanks tops and flip flops, or jeans and a hoodie and be comfortable either way.

We ate a light breakfast, talking about…everything. He went to some fancy medical school, and was now a practicing pediatrician at a private facility about three blocks from my building. Interesting information that. His father was also a doctor, no surprise there. He had no siblings, sadly, and his mother 'forced' him to take ballroom dancing as a child. He had a passion for the piano, and played it as much as he could, and he threatened to take me dancing. Okay, he actually promised, but I see it as a threat. I told him about me as well. Where I went to school, my job…sort of. I actually told him I help people, and didn't want to say too much, pretending to fret over the clients' privacy. He actually bought it, which I was glad of. I wasn't quite ready to expose what I really did.

I told him about my parents, how they killed their marriage shortly after it was born. And how I used to live in Phoenix with my mother, but moved to Forks, Washington to spend time with my dad before coming here for school. This was where I met Rose and Alice, of course, and we were inseparable from the start. What surprised me most was how not only he knew of Forks, he was originally from there. And we had never crossed paths, not even once. I'd have to ask Charlie about the Masens, he was after all the chief of police. He knew everyone in Forks, like it or not.

After a couple hours, we were back on the ferry, deciding to stay in the car this time. We were a bit chilled from sitting outside so long, and the car was nice and toasty. We were in the backseat, now chatting about music. Turns out, he liked Debussy as well. Who knew we'd have so much in common? He was in the middle of talking about a classical piece he'd started but couldn't seem to finish when I decided I couldn't handle it anymore. I moved over to straddle him, and just sat there for a minute, staring at his perfect face. I raised my hands and slowly brought them to rest in his hair, as I did this his eyes instantly closed. I ran my fingers through it ever so slowly, savoring the feel for a few minutes and then began kneading his scalp gently.

He moaned, so softly I barely heard it, and then his lips were on mine. His hands were all over the place, my face, and my hips, traveling down to my ass, and back up to my face again. Mine, stayed in place in his hair. I wasn't letting go so easily. I reveled in the feel of his hands on my face as our tongues danced. After a few minutes, we both pulled apart completely breathless, sucking in the much needed air, and then we were back at it. All too soon, he pulled away, catching his breath before trying to speak.

"Okay, we should stop." He panted. I cocked a brow at him. "Why?" I asked with a slight smile. "Because the next time I fuck you, I want it to be on a bed. Not on a ferry where anyone could walk by and see us." He explained a devilish grin across his face. "Well, that could be arranged." I teased, settling next to him in the seat. He chuckled and ran a hand over his face. "You will be the death of me." He mumbled.

Once back at my place, I tired to coax him up, but to no avail. He had patients to see, and unfortunately, I had dates to plan. Or, according to him, clients to visit. We made dinner plans for that night, and I could not wait. I barely made it through the door when I was bombarded with questions. I shoulda known.

"Where were you?" "Was that **the** guy you were just with?" "What did you do?" "Have another romping session?"

I laughed at them, and tried to answer accordingly. "I was at breakfast, yes with Edward, we ate and talked, and no." I made my way upstairs completely aware they were following me. I refused to tell them anymore. I stripped back down to my undies, and climbed back in bed. "Uh, Bella? It's ten am are you seriously going back to bed?" Rose asked, crossing her arms. "Oh yeah." I mumbled covering my head up. I heard them both sigh, and close the door and then sleep overtook me.

Two hours later, I was woken up again, this time by Alice handing me the phone. It was Craig, the date for today calling to cancel. He and his girlfriend made up, but really I think he chickened out. Good for him. Escort services were not for everyone. I heaved myself out of bed, and made my way downstairs to visit with the friends. Couldn't be completely antisocial or they'd get jealous of …I don't know my bed maybe?

"Okay, you're awake now. Spill." Alice demanded through bites of her salad. I made myself a big plate of the same, and sat down with them. "Edward woke me up at six this morning, to take me to breakfast, to apologize for his behavior yesterday." I started, knowing the reaction I'd get. "What? That creep!" Rose snapped dropping her fork. "I can't believe him! You went?!" Alice exclaimed. I smiled and nodded my head. "Of course, he was a great lay! Besides, he only wanted to apologize for fucking me so soon after knowing me. Anyway, we took the ferry, and ate breakfast at this quaint little diner. The food was awesome." I continued, purposely dragging it out. After a few minutes of me just eating, and them glaring daggers at me, I continued.

"We got back on the ferry, and made out a little in the backseat of his Volvo. I wanted more, naturally, but he stopped me. He was being all sweet and saying he wanted to fuck me in a bed next time, not on a ferry where people could walk by and see. It was cute. Which, of course, made me want him more. Anyway, we have dinner plans tonight." I finished, smiling the entire time.

I was prepared for teasing, even more prepared for them to tell me not to get serious. I was not, however, prepared for what came. "Bella, you like him! You really like him!" Alice started, pointing her fork at me. "You should probably stop escorting for awhile; ya know to see where this thing goes." Rose chimed in. "Yeah, you should. I'd hate for you to not go through with this and have you regret it later." Alice added thoughtfully.

"I don't have too many clients right now; I could take a few of yours. Alice could probably do one or two also." Rose offered nonchalantly. I snorted. "Guys, its no big deal. Yeah, I like the guy, but I'm not going to stop working because of him. He's a good lay, that's it." I said firmly, not entirely believing my own words. I knew they didn't either, but thankfully they dropped the subject.


	5. Sweet Seduction

a/n: I own nothing. [= darn

Considering Edward had so graciously forgot to mention where we were going, and also considering all we'd discussed earlier that day, I decided on a strapless, knee length black dress. It was form fitting up top, and flowed out a little at the waist. I added a low black heel, and light make up. Alice did my hair in loose curls, and I was all set to go by seven on the dot. Five minutes later, Edward had arrived, and we were off to do who knows what.

"How was your day?" I asked, making conversation. "Good. We were pretty slow today which was good. Although, it did make the time drag on." He replied with a smirk. I smiled back, and looked out the window. "Did you have many clients today?" He asked, turning into the parking lot of an unfamiliar building. "Huh? Oh! No, none actually. I was supposed to but, they canceled at the last. So, I took a nap, and lounged around the house with the girls today." I replied, praying he didn't catch my mistake. I needed to pay more attention if I wasn't going to tell him about my work.

We barely made it into the door, and I instantly knew where we were. The music, the scenery, the people. Crap. He wasn't kidding after all. "Edward, I can't dance." I said, stopping at the entrance. He smiled that damned crooked grin, and I knew I was a goner.

"I'll teach you. It's all in the leading anyway." He replied, dragging me along. I fidgeted with my hands while the others finished up whatever they were dancing to, and then it was our turn to join in. Well, here goes nothing I guess. We started off a little faulty, but after he forced me to look at him, we got better. I quickly found his eyes to be entrancing, and had momentarily forgotten that I couldn't dance. After a few different dances, the last being a salsa number, we headed for an indie restaurant just around the corner. The food was excellent, the conversation even better.

I had pleaded for the girls to not stay home tonight, and they agreed on the condition I'd take one date each from them the following week. Sneaky little whores they were. Oh well, I'd have done the same. All's fair in love and war right? I asked him up, and this time he did not decline the offer. We had barely made it up the stairs before his lips attacked mine. He picked me up, and I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist. Never breaking our kiss, he walked over to my bed and gently laid me down. I sat up almost immediately so he could unzip my dress, at the same time I was taking off his shirt.

I slipped my shoes off, and crawled further up on the bed. Within seconds, his pants were gone and he was on top of me again. He began planting small, hot kisses along my neck and collarbone. He stopped at my neck, and nuzzled his face there. My hands found their own way to his hair, and again I began kneading his scalp gently. He groaned in pleasure and lifted up to stare into my eyes. I gave a slight smile, and pulled him down for a kiss. There was no rush this time, we took our time. Getting to know each others' bodies, showing each other just what we wanted, and how we wanted it. It was much sweeter than the first time, and twice as hot.

Afterwards, he stayed right there with me. Pulling my naked body against his, wrapping his arms possessively around my waist, planting small kisses along my back until we both fell asleep. We awoke a few times that night, calling to each others' needs again and again before finally settling in for the night. I was pleased that he didn't rush off this time, but stayed the entire night, his body entwined with mine. It was peaceful, and I never wanted to be anywhere else but here, with him. And that was terrifying to me.

I woke up alone around eleven the next day. I threw on a tank top and my underwear and went downstairs, pathetically in a grumpy mood. He didn't even say goodbye. I sighed as I made my way into the kitchen for some coffee. I needed it desperately, I also needed the girls. I wonder if they even came home last night, or if they stayed at their dates' places. I was about to call Alice's phone when a pair of arms snaked around my waist. I smiled, and turned around automatically. He greeted me with a kiss to the forehead and a smile of his own.

"Good morning." He whispered into my ear. "Morning" I mumbled, releasing him to get coffee. "Want some?" I asked, glancing over my shoulder in time to see him grin. "You really should clarify that love; after all that little comment is what started this whole thing." He stated. I snorted and turned around completely. "Fine, would you like some coffee?" I asked sarcastically. "Why yes thank you, I would love some." He replied just as sarcastic.

"So, do you have any clients today or do I get you all to myself?" He asked after we'd had two cups of coffee…each. Hey, it was a long night. Ahem…I wonder why. I took another sip, and shook my head. "Nope, I'm free all day." I responded, getting up to rinse my cup. "Excellent. I'm going to head home to shower, and change, and I'll be back in an hour." He stated kissing my forehead again. I saw him out, and then ran upstairs to shower myself. He told me to dress casually, so I chose blue jeans and a t-shirt yet again. I grabbed my favorite shoes and hoodie, and met him outside exactly one hour later. He wouldn't tell me where we were headed, but that was okay. Though I hated to be surprised, he made it bearable. But shh…don't tell anyone, it'll be our little secret. For now.


	6. What are we doing?

a/n: I own nothing. [= darn

We drove in silence, our hands entwined, occasionally glancing in each others' direction smiling. It felt like I was in high school all over again, except this time, the guy actually liked me back. It was that awkward stage of first dates, and polite kisses…without the politeness involved. We'd skipped right to the nitty gritty on that one. I wondered if that would make a difference in the long run. Wait; did I want a long run? No, I didn't. Did I? Instantly my heart started to beat erratically, and I was having trouble breathing.

Calm down, Bella, don't make a scene. That would be embarrassing, especially considering I didn't plan on telling him what had caused the panic to rise in the first place. I took slow, steady breaths, and after a few minutes I was fine again. I grew up in a…difficult home. My parents argued constantly, mostly about living in Forks. Renee couldn't stand it, and eventually, she couldn't stand Charlie either, because he didn't want to leave. So, she took me and off we went. From the time I was five years old, I'd made a solemn vow to never, ever fall in love, and never get married. Thus the reason I enjoyed the escort business so much. It allowed me the freedom to "date", without the attachment issues.

Yes, I knew I was fooling myself about the date part, and maybe I was condemning my self to a life of loneliness, but honestly, I'd never thought much about it. Until now anyway. Damn it, Bella, why do you have to realize this shit when you're on your way to another great lay! Damn! I sighed heavily, and turned in my seat to better see the Greek god before me. "Okay, lame question. What are we doing?" I asked, hoping my voice didn't betray my nervousness. He chuckled, and took a glance at me.

"Didn't we cover this already? I'm taking you somewhere…it's a surprise." He stated, still with that stupid smirk. Damn it, I was going to have to spell it out for him wasn't I. "No, I mean…uh, us. This…what are we doing?" I asked again, just as lamely. Crud I so sucked at this. I looked out the window so he wouldn't see my blush.

"Oh…that. We're really having this conversation now?" he asked, slightly astonished. I snorted, and replied, "Yeah…I guess we are."

"Okay then. Here goes nothing. I like you, a lot, and I thought we were dating." He explained, stealing glances at me every few seconds. Okay, that clarified absolutely nothing for me. "But, we're not…like…serious or anything right?" I mumbled quietly. I had to do this. I always did this. I never know when to leave well enough alone. This was our what? Second official date and we've known each other all of what…a week tops? Jeez Bella!

"Is this your way of telling me you have another guy on the side?" he joked, though his face clearly showed he was serious. I laughed out loud. I couldn't help it. It was so cute that he was jealous over…well, nothing. "No, no other guy on the side. I just…was curious where this was headed." I replied quickly trying to catch my breath. He chuckled and shook his head.

"Well, right now, we're going to have a date. And how about we just go from there, okay?" He responded, still smiling. Jerk. I hate when guys get that stupid look on their face. You know the one, the 'ha I'm so sexy she wants me so bad' look. Ugh, it's so…stupid. I nodded curtly, and continued to stare out the window at the other passing cars. Why did God make me this way? I hated that I did this. It made everything more awkward than it originally was. At least for me it did. Stupid brain.

Ten minutes later, we were parked and walking towards the park. A stupid thought occurred to me, but me being me, I had to say it. "Wait, are you taking me here on a Tuesday afternoon so you can kill me?" I half joked. Hey, there were three people here. Us, and the bum on the bench who was probably passed out still, and it was noon. Meaning everyone was eating lunch, either at the office or within a half mile radius of their office. The place was deserted, and if he was going to kill me I at least deserved to know. Right? Exactly.

It took him exactly two minutes and fifty three seconds to catch his breath. Only to take one very deep breath, and start laughing all over again. All the while, holding my hand, continuing to walk towards the very deserted park. I stopped walking, forcing him to stop as well. I was not going any farther until I had my answer. Damn! I left my purse in the car! No pepper spray to help me now!

"Bella, not five minutes ago you asked where this relationship was headed, and now you're asking me if I'm going to kill you. Seriously? What goes on in that pretty little head of yours? If I was going to kill you, I would not have gone out in public with you, or came to your apartment in broad daylight. Ya know…the whole no witness thing is kind of essential to a killer." He replied sarcastically, holding his other hand up, which contained a basket. I rolled my eyes and kept walking alongside him. I didn't know what was in there. It could have been an axe, or a gun…or something.

He stopped in the middle of a clearing, with fresh wildflowers sprouting sporadically. It was beautiful. The air was crisp, a slight chill there naturally. I loved it. He laid a blanket out, and motioned me to sit. I obliged, sitting cross legged, with a smile. Okay fine, I didn't really think he was going to kill me…for more than like a second. I didn't even mean to blurt it out really, but I have no filter. It's a curse and a blessing all at the same time. He sat next to me, and pulled out a couple sandwiches, strawberries, two pieces of chocolate cake, and two bottles of water. It was cute and well thought out apparently.

"So, how long have you been…helping people?" he asked after a few moments of silence. I swallowed my bite, and took a swig of water. I hated lying to him, but I just wasn't ready to tell him the truth yet. I didn't know if he'd be around tomorrow ya know?

"Since I was a freshman in college. It started out as just a way to help support myself throughout my college years, but after…I just liked it too much to quit. Not to mention the money's great." I explained quickly. That part wasn't a lie at least. "What about you? Did you always want to be a doctor?" I asked in an attempt to change focus. He nodded vigorously. "Oh yeah, ever since I was little. I guess it sort of helped that my dad was a doctor as well. Kind of a family thing I suppose. I just never envisioned myself doing anything else. My mom used to tell me all the time how when I was two and three I'd walk around asking people to let me check their vitals." He replied, laughing fondly at old memories I suppose.

We sat in companionable silence for awhile longer, finishing our food, enjoying the sounds of nature. I was hoping he was done questioning my career choice, but again, I was wrong. "Do you think you'll always do what you do now? Or will you get tired of it?" He asked, staring up into the sky. I followed suit, trying my best to stay calm about this. I couldn't give anything away, or he'd bust me out for sure.

"Honestly, I'm not sure. I mean, I like it well enough for now. Maybe in a few years, when I'm thirty or so I won't like it so much. But, I'm only twenty-two, so that's still a while yet." I joked shrugging my shoulders. "Besides, I'm not entirely sure I'm finished with college. I only got my associate's degree, I may want to go back." I continued.

"What was your major?" He asked, obviously wanting to keep the flow of conversation going. That was fine by me, as long as we ventured away from my line of work. "Art. I love art, I paint when I have the time… which isn't that often anymore. I minored in music." I explained, glancing over at him. He smiled, and looked away. We stayed that way for long time, until the sun began to fade and it was too cold to sit comfortably in just a sweatshirt. He drove me home, unable to join me, and promised to call soon. I had hoped he'd come back and stay anyway, but sadly he did not.


	7. In love with a boy

a/n: I own nothing.

You know the old saying 'time flies when you're having fun'? It is definitely true my friends. Before I knew it two months had gone by, and things were going great. Edward and I were officially a couple as he put it, and we spent a lot of time together. So much time, in fact, that it was becoming increasingly difficult to continue with business. Rose and Alice had told their boyfriends, you know Jasper and Emmett, about the business and surprisingly enough they were okay with it. Luckily for me, that meant they could take on a few of my clients as well.

The one they could not take on was this Saturday night, and I wasn't too excited about it. It was weird to not be with Edward on a Saturday, but he had some kind of conference for work to attend. Today, Thursday, I was hanging out with my two best girls. We hadn't been able to spend much time together lately. I had big news tonight, and they couldn't wait to here it. So, we ordered Chinese, grabbed a few bottles of wine, and planted our butts firmly on the couch for a long overdue gossip night. We chatted aimlessly for a while, and then I couldn't take it any longer.

"I'm in love with Edward." I blurted out and quickly took a big drink of my wine. When I glanced up, they were staring at me, both of their mouths forming a perfect 'O'. It would have been comical, if those faces were aimed toward anyone else but me. "I knew it!" I exclaimed, jumping off the couch to pace in front of them. "I knew this was wrong! It's too soon isn't it? I shouldn't feel this way already right? I mean, in reality it's only been a couple of months! I just…I wanted it to be so bad, that I just forced myself to feel this way right? It's not real is it?" I bombarded them with all these questions, and more were threatening to spill out. I just walked back and forth in a circle, around the coffee table, not daring to look at them.

"Bella, this is…amazing." Rosalie finally said. "Yeah, it's great." Alice chimed in. I looked up a little too soon, and stubbed my toe on the table. "OW! SHIT!" I yelled, hopping on my good foot, clutching the throbbing other one in my other hand. And because God loves me so much, I fell flat on my ass. Alice and Rose were laughing hysterically at me, and at first I was laughing with them. And then suddenly, I was crying, and they were sitting with me on the floor. The truth was that I was petrified.

"I can't tell him guys. What if he doesn't feel the same? Or worse, what if he does?" I whispered, still crying like an idiot. "Bella, trust me, Edward loves you. And what's so bad about being in love?" Alice asked, rubbing my back in circles. "My parents loved each other too, and look how they turned out. Love is …fake. It's all a lie, to get us through this miserable existence. But in the end, doesn't love makes us twice as miserable as we would have been on our own?" I responded, wiping angrily at my eyes.

"Bella you such a cynic." Rosalie snapped. "Look, what happened to your parents sucks, okay? But, that's just one couple. And yes, that happens to plenty of people in the world, but what about all the other happy couples? Like Alice's parents who've been together their whole lives. Or my grandparents, they've been together for fifty years." She explained, squeezing my hand for comfort.

"Yeah, I know some people are lucky. I have never been lucky in my entire life! I know what's going to happen! We're going to be happily ever after for a short time, and then bam! It'll all come crashing down on top of me just like always. I don't think I can survive that." I whined, more tears making their way annoyingly down my face.

"Bella, sweetheart, it'll only happen that way if you let it. Love is not easy, it wasn't meant to be. But if you really love him, then you fight for him, and for what you have together, and it'll all work. I promise." Alice replied, kissing my cheek. "What if it doesn't work out? What if I'm wrong?" I whispered.

"Bella, if you were wrong, you wouldn't be crying over this or freaking out about it not working. You're scared to lose him that means something. When you know you know." Rosalie answered. "Now, get up and let's celebrate this moment. After all, hell just froze over." Alice exclaimed sarcastically. Rosalie began to laugh again, and I pushed her on her ass. Little whores. I loved em' though.

For the next couple of hours the girls told me about their recent sexcapades, including pool tables, and a parking lot. I'll give you two guess who was who, and the first one doesn't count. We decided that tomorrow night; our guys would finally meet each other. They called their dudes, and I …just sat there. We agreed to meet here, and drive together to this new urban club in Brooklyn. Edward and I had talked about going, but so far we hadn't made it there. So I figured why not? I just wasn't going to call him at two am to ask him to go. We were all about to turn in for the night when there was a knock at the door. I told the girls to go on to bed, and walked, angrily to the door fully prepared to yell at the moron knocking at two am.

I swung the door ajar, and just stared. "What are you doing?" I asked a huge smiled plastered across my face. "You have been at my place every night for the past two weeks; did you honestly expect me to be able to sleep without you now?" Edward replied, kissing my forehead. It was useless to try to not smile after that remark, so I didn't even bother. I just took his hand and led him upstairs. We'd been staying at his place because it was more…private. I felt bad for making the girls leave, even though they insisted they didn't mind. But once I found out Edward lived alone, we just stayed there. He had asked me to move in with him two nights ago, but I declined. Partially because I thought it was too early, mostly because I was a chicken.

The girls were right, as always. I loved him, this was right. I knew it from the bottom of my toes to the top of my head. I loved him completely, more than just with my heart. It was my heart, mind, body and soul all combined together. It was both the most exhilarating and most terrifying feeling I've ever experienced, no wait, telling him would be the most terrifying. No, I would not tell him tonight. I was too chicken shit to do that, but I would soon. Very soon.


	8. Screwing up is easy

a/n: I own nothing. Bummer dude.

We were lying in my bed, had been for quite awhile now. I had been listening to him sleep for the longest time, but I just couldn't doze off. I had been lying here this whole time, with Edward entwined with my body, thinking about everything. What would I do when I quit the escort business? Yes, I fully intended to quit, after this last date. I could paint again, and open my own gallery like I'd dreamt about when I was first attending college. Or better yet, I could open an art studio and teach classes to kids. That would be even better. My biggest threat, the main reason I couldn't fall asleep, was that I would have to tell Edward about the business. Which meant admitting I had lied to him about it from the beginning, and that I had sort of been cheating on him throughout the last two months…I wasn't sure I was prepared to do that. I could very well lose him over this, and I don't think I would survive losing him.

I heard his sigh, and glanced over to find him staring at me with eyes at half mass. He smiled my favorite smile, though it was a bit lazy now. I guess sleep will do that to the best of them. I smiled back, and snuggled closer to him. "Why aren't you sleeping?" He whispered, gently rubbing circles over my back. I shrugged, and replied as teasingly as I could, "I was debating whether or not to rape you in your sleep, or wake you up first."

He chuckled, and kissed my forehead. "That isn't going to work. Something is on your mind, and I want to know what it is." He replied. Damn. He always tells me how perceptive I am, but he's the one who's perceptive. "It's nothing worth talking about at four in the morning. We'll talk this weekend, after your thingy okay? I don't want to stress you out over nothing." I explained, hoping he'd drop it. He sighed in defeat, but pointed a steady finger at me. "Fine, but we will talk Saturday night." He declared. I smiled at his sternness and nodded in agreement.

"I'd like to tell you something now though." He stated after a few moments of silence. I tensed slightly, praying he hadn't figured me out, but tried not to show it on my face. "Okay, I'm all ears." I said quietly. He just stared at me for a moment, searching my face for what I didn't know. "I love you."

Chills had covered my entire body, and my heart was pounding. That's what he was doing, gauging my face for a reaction. I just sat there, staring at him for what felt like hours but was really only moments. I didn't know how to respond to that, I couldn't say it back, not yet. But at the same time, how could I not? I knew I loved him so why shouldn't he get to share in that knowledge? I watched the light fade from his eyes, and felt him emotionally shutting down. Oh no, this was bad! Fix it Bella! Fix it!

"Its okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." He mumbled, pulling his arms away from me. Oh no, no no! This was very bad! Say something Bella, anything! Don't just let him leave! I just watched him, watched as his face took on a look of such heartache it broke my own heart. Watched him dress, all the way down to his shoes, and walk out the door. That was when my brain decided to function again. I jumped out of bed, and raced down the stairs to the empty living room. Shit! I flung the door open, leaving it as I raced down the hall to the elevator. Impatient as I was, I took the stairs anyways, going way too fast and not giving a damn if I fell or not. I deserved it after what I just did to him. He tells me he loves me and I just sit there? What the fuck Isabella? I scolded myself the entire way out to the lobby then to his car. Ha! He had taken the elevator.

It was freezing out here! In my rush to stop Edward from leaving, I'd forgotten to dress. So, here I was at four am in my underwear and sleazy little tank top standing outside my apartment building, looking pathetic no doubt. I crossed my arms, and began rubbing my hands up and down in a sad attempt to warm myself. I was about to say screw it and go back inside when I saw him. He looked miserable, walking with his head down, hands in his front pockets. He looked like he'd just had his heartbroken. I was an idiot. I was crying by the time he reached me, but I didn't dare touch him. The expression on his face told me it wasn't a good idea.

"I'm sorry, Edward." I stated my voice heavy from the tears. He just looked at me with a confused expression. "What? Why are you sorry?" He questioned moving not even an inch. Oh crud. This was bad. Had I mentioned how stupid I was yet? "I tell you I love you, and you just sit there? You couldn't even tell me it was too soon, or say thanks or…anything? You sat there!" He accused, still not budging. Gee, sound familiar?

"You shocked me! Literally shocked me Edward! I mean, I knew I loved you, but for you to love me was…unimaginable! I fully expected that when I told you how I felt, you'd walk away, not return my feelings!" I fired off, a lot louder than I intended. Hey, I did not like the fact that he was accusing me of…I don't know I just didn't like it.

He laughed bitterly and hung his head again. My hands ached to run through his hair, but I didn't dare move. If he wasn't going to then I sure as hell wasn't either. "Save yourself the trouble of lying Bella, I know you don't love me. You pretty much showed me that inside when you said nothing." He fired back just as loud. His words stung as if he'd slapped me across the face. He really thought I was lying? I shook my head, stepping towards him, but when he moved back I stopped. "Edward I'm not lying. I do love you, ask Alice or Rose, before you came over that's all we talked about! How much I love you and how chicken shit I was to tell you! I wouldn't li-"

"Enough Bella, seriously." He snapped, cutting me off. I looked at him, dumbfounded. Trying desperately to find a way to make him understand that I wasn't lying, and failing miserably. He looked at me for a few moments longer, and then shook his head. "Get back inside its too cold for you be out here like that." And with that last statement, he left. Left me standing there huddled into myself, staring after him with tears running down my face. See what I meant when I said I screw things up? Why couldn't I react like a normal human being for a change when my sanity depended on it?


	9. A night out

a/n: R&R please.

It was seven o'clock at night, and I was still in bed. The girls had been in here all day, trying to cheer me up, but I refused. I barely paid attention to them at all actually. They gave up about two hours ago, and left to go to that stupid club. Oh well, it didn't really matter. I deserved to be alone. Moron. I was dozing off again when I heard a knock on the door. I ignored it until it became a constant banging and then threw the covers back dramatically. I stomped all the way down the stairs, across the hardwood floor, and unlocked the door angrily. I flung it open; again preparing to yell at the fool who dared disturb a morose woman.

"Edward." I whispered so low I barely heard myself. But when I did, I grew angry and slammed the door. Stupid jerk coming over here to what? Make me beg or …or feel worse than I already did? I felt bad enough as it was thank you! I made it to my room before I heard the door open. Oh, sure just let yourself in jackass! I snapped sarcastically in my head. I covered up completely, not bothering to look when he slammed my bedroom door shut. I didn't even budge a tiny little inch when he sat down beside me, and stared directly at my ceiling when he pulled the covers away from my head. He was an ass last night; I can be an ass today. Serves him right if I never spoke to him again anyway. Leaving me outside in the cold half naked in New York. I huffed out loud at that thought, and turned away from him.

"Bella, love, please look at me." He pleaded silently. I ignored him, and traced the patterns of my hard wood flooring with my eyes. He sighed angrily and got up only to sit on the other side of me. I turned over, my back to him again. "You are so damned stubborn!" He growled grabbing my arms and forcing me to turn back. I glared at him the best I could, and he laughed. "You're really hot when your angry." He stated. I couldn't help it; I stuck my tongue out at him. It was hard to be mad when he complimented me like that!

"I'm sorry for my behavior last night, but in my defense I was upset. I had been working up the courage to tell you I loved you for awhile, and when I finally did you just sat there! With this shocked expression on your face, but the worst part was that you didn't even stop me when I left!" he exclaimed, standing up clearly still upset about the whole issue. Good, at least were on the same page again! I jumped up, and pointed my finger at him just as angry. "I beat you to your fucking car! To tell you that I loved you too and you had the audacity to accuse me of lying! And then, you left me standing out there like a fool!" I yelled. I could already feel the tears threatening to spill over, the constriction in my throat making it hard to yell. I hated emotions sometimes, they were so damned messy!

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! God Bella I'm sorry! What more do you want from me?" He asked stepping closer to me. I was about to make a smart ass remark, and kick him out when I thought for a second. I was doing exactly as my mother had done to my father when she was angry. Shut him out, push him as far away as she could just to avoid swallowing her pride and say she was sorry for overreacting or whatever. I caught myself in time for a change, and licked my lips instead. "I'm sorry for not telling you I loved you before you could say it to me." I said a slight smile on my face.

He laughed, and the entire atmosphere changed around us. Gone was the tension and hurt feelings, gone was the anger. He gave me a light kiss, and pulled me into his arms. "Aren't we supposed to be at some club with your friends?" He asked after a few moments of just standing there. I crinkled my nose, and shook my head against his chest. "Nope, we're just fine staying here. They aren't expecting us anymore anyway." I replied quickly. I tried pulling him onto the bed, but he wouldn't budge. "I think we should go. Wasn't I supposed to meet their boyfriends? We haven't been out all together yet, it'll be fun." He stated, walking out so I could get ready.

An hour later we met Alice at the door, and followed her through the crowd to their table. This place…sucked. It was just as I expected. Crammed full of horny drunken fools, grinding against their dates, occasionally bumping into the drunken idiots next to them. I hated places like this, so why had I agreed to come? Oh, that's right. I wanted to dance with Edward that way. Pft. I should have just stayed home and done it there. I mean, it wasn't like I Alice or Rosalie didn't have this kind of crappy music at home anyway. And the smell was…terrible. It was a mix of putrid body odor, sweat and sex. Not very appealing for a place that just opened a few months ago now is it?

"Aww, see Bella I told you it would work out!" Rosalie slurred patting my back a little too hard. Great, they hadn't been here that long which meant they were doing shots, and that they'd expect me to do them as well. Yeah, I didn't think me and shots were a good combination ever, let alone when Edward was around. I had a hard enough time controlling my sex crazed hormones sober, could you imagine what would happen if I were drunk? I could, and it wouldn't be pretty.

Introductions were made all around, even though Alice and Rose already knew Edward, and the guys did their man chatting thing they do when they're sizing each other up. You know what I'm talking about, every dude does it, and it's always annoying. While they did that, I explained to the girls that everything was peachy keen between Edward and me again. When the waitress finally made it to our table, I ordered a soda; Edward ordered a beer and a few shots. Pft. He could get drunk all he wanted, that just made it easier to get what I wanted from him later. We sat there, bullshitting each other for a while, making fun of the really drunk idiots who were stumbling past our table every now and then. It was quite comical, and loads of fun. You should try it sometime; I promise it'll make your night that much better.


	10. Close Encounter

a/n: R&R please. I own nothing. =/ depressing isn't it?

I was just about to pull Edward out to the dance floor when Jay began to approach me. You know…_Jay_ as in the guy I had a mini date with when I first saw Edward, guy I escorted to a wedding while I was starting a relationship with Edward, guy I had hoped to never see again! Crud. I turned back to the table quickly, praying to the God who hated me that he didn't notice me. And then I felt the tap on my shoulder which proved what I'd just said. Awesome. Anyone who ever said God didn't have a sense of humor had obviously never been targeted.

I pleaded with my eyes to Alice and Rose for help and then turned around. "Hi?" I made it a question, trying to play the clueless card as I wrapped my arm around Edward's. Hopefully he'd get the hint, and not say anything too revealing about how he knew me. He looked from me to Edward a few times before saying anything.

"Bella, how are you? Is this your newest client?" he asked, apparently a lot denser than I'd originally thought. Bully for me. Not. Damn, damn, damn! What was I going to do? Okay, think Bella. You're intelligent enough for this, at least a hell of a lot more so than this guy. "I'm sorry…I don't know what you're talking about." I stated after a moment, I didn't dare glance at Edward for fear of what I'd see.

"You know…from the esc-"

"Dude, she doesn't know you obviously. So back off." Rosalie snapped, coming between him and me. Thank god for best friends. Poor Jay, he looked so confused. I almost felt sorry for him, but then I remembered what he'd said and all pity was gone. He knew the rules, and he broke the most vital one. Creep. "Uh, sorry. I guess you just looked like this chick I knew." He said before walking away. I sent a grateful smile to Rose before tugging Edward along. My wishes of him not noticing anything peculiar went out the window the moment he pulled me close to him on the floor.

"Who was that guy?" He whispered. I just shrugged, trying to play it off as best I could. "No clue." He snorted, and pulled me closer. "Come on, Bella, he knew you're name. Was he an ex boyfriend or something?" He pried. I stopped dancing, and put my hands on my hips. "There are plenty of girls named Bella in the world." I snapped. "Besides, he said he was mistaken." I continued, a little nicer than before. He gave me a skeptical look, but nodded his head as if to say 'okay, I believe you.'

After that fiasco, I drank a few shots, and a couple beers. Then we danced, and drank, and danced some more. We closed the place down actually before deciding to go home. I guess we were all in need of a good night out, and tonight was exactly that. Especially the drunk sex that followed. It wasn't quite the disaster I thought it would be. It was actually pretty fun. I was not, however, looking forward to the bruises I would surely have from all the falls we'd taken, or the near falls where I ended up slammed into a wall or a door. Still, it would be worth it.

I woke up around four o' clock in the afternoon with a major headache. I groaned, and threw the covers over my head in protest of the bright sun. I heard Edward chuckle beside me, and playfully hit him in the arm. "Ow." I whined right after. Yeah, definitely sore. When I got up to use the bathroom and get some aspirin I heard Edward take in a soft breath. I glanced over with a smile. "Are you sore too? Serves you right." I teased. He was staring at me with a look of such guilt, it made me confused.

I walked into the bathroom with him hot on my trail. "Are you alright?" He asked, stopping me from proceeding. I gave him a curious expression. "I'm a little sore, but I'm fine. Why?" I questioned. He turned me to my full length mirror, and I gasped. My legs were covered in little bruises; my hips and stomach were almost as bad. The only parts left untouched were my arms and face. I turned, and my back was the worst. Wow…so drunken sex wasn't the greatest idea ever. Damn! There goes my outfit for tonight too! I wanted to kick myself for thinking that last, even if it was true. From my lower back, to the top of my neck black and blue bruises were scattered all over.

I turned back to Edward, and placed my hands on either side of his face. "Edward, I am fine. They don't hurt; I'm just a little sore okay? Please, please do not feel guilty for showing me just how much you love me." I pleaded, forcing him to look at me as he tried to turn away. He always did this. Any time we made love, if there was even a scratch on me, he felt guilty and regretted doing it. After the first time we had sex, ya know on the counter, he found a couple bruises that were fading about two weeks later. He freaked, and tried telling me we weren't going to do it anymore. I so did not want to go back to that stage. He just stared at me for a few minutes, and then leaned forward to kiss my head.

"We'll talk about it later, I have to get ready for the conference." He said quietly. I dropped my hands, and went to the shower. I hated when he was like this. He treated me like I was something fragile, easily broken. I kept telling him I was a big girl and didn't need constant looking after, but he ignored me. He took a shower with me as he usually did, but this time it was just a shower. And when he dressed in silence, and was about to leave without as much as a glance in my direction, I had had enough.

"Edward." I said in a not so nice tone. He stopped, but wouldn't turn around. "I'm fine, okay? I just…I hate that I do that to you all the time." He said quickly, quietly. I knew he was lying. "Fine. You want to leave? Leave." I snapped, and went to my closet in tears. They were just some fucking bruises! It's not like he broke my damn leg or something and yet he was acting just like that! And to treat me like that? Jerk. I wiped furiously at my eyes, and tried to decide what to wear. It was too warm for a sweater, even in New York, and I couldn't wear a tank top. Every shirt I picked up, I threw back on the floor, trying my hardest to stop crying.

I was overreacting, and I knew it. I just couldn't help it. It wasn't really him I was angry with, it was me. I was the one going on a date behind his back tonight; I was the one who had been going on dates the past two months. I felt terrible, I felt like a slut, worse than that. I didn't want Edward going to his conference feeling like shit, thinking I was angry with him. I turned to find my phone and nearly jumped out of my skin.

"What?" I said more harshly than I'd intended. Just, seeing him standing there scared me. I thought he was gone already. And then my face flushed realizing he'd seen my little tantrum. Damn emotions. "I'm sorry love, I didn't mean to-"

"Its fine, Edward really. It's no big deal. It just hurt a little that you were going to leave without so much as a goodbye." I replied quietly. He wrapped me in his arms, and kissed my forehead. "I'm working on it. I promise." He whispered. I knew what he was referring to, and nodded to let him know I understood. "I wish you could go." He stated after a few minutes. He went deeper into my closet, and pulled out a form fitting royal blue t-shirt. "Wear this, I love it on you. I'll see you when I get home?" he questioned, stepping out.

I took the shirt, and nodded with a smile. "I'll be at your place, wearing this shirt that you love so much." I replied. I kissed him quickly, told him I loved him and watched him leave. I put the shirt on my bed, and went in search of something else. I couldn't wear that shirt on a date with someone else. It was too cruel, even if he wouldn't know. So, I'd just bring it with me and change at his house.


	11. Enough

a/n: So, tonight I'm going to a Twilight party. [= LoL ok not really a party…just a little get together where we'll be watching the movie …again. I'd like lots of reviews when I get back!

Three hours later, I was having dinner with a guy named Chase. We were at some stupid conference, and I was bored out of my mind. I only had to make it through the rest of dinner and I'd be free. Forever. I was relieved actually, to be done with this. I hadn't realized it until I'd met Edward, but something was missing in me. Something this job had taken a long time ago, and Edward had given back.

Currently, Chase was in the bathroom, which gave me a chance to recollect myself. I had found it odd that very few of the others had dates with them. Chase said most of them were married, but that their spouses would rather not be here. I didn't blame them that was for sure. I saw Chase coming towards me, and put on a fake smile, but that smile quickly faltered when I noticed who was with him. Oh. My. Gosh. No fucking way. I hung my head shaking it slightly. Well, I didn't have to worry about telling Edward anymore.

"Bella?" His tone wasn't accusing, just confused. Bless his heart; he thought there could be another explanation for this other than the obvious. I knew the tears were coming, and I didn't even try to stop them. I would not however, have this conversation here. I didn't want to further embarrass him, or his coworker. I threw my napkin down, and stood up quickly. "I apologize Chase, but I need to leave. I'll be sure to get a check back to you for the retainer and I'm sure it's obvious you don't need to send the payment." I stated, walking out.

I'd barely made it out the door when Edward grabbed my arm forcefully and jerked me toward him. "What the hell was that?" He demanded nothing but anger evident in his tone. I just shook my head, and pulled free of his grasp. "Not here Edward, please." I replied walking faster to his car. Ever the gentleman, he unlocked the door and opened it for me before going to his side. He said nothing on the ride home, but it was evident in his driving just how upset he was. There were at least four cars I'd thought for sure we were going to take out. Two of them were in the parking lot of his building.

We'd barely made it into the apartment when he started in. "What the hell was that?" He asked again, angrier this time. "Are you cheating on me? Is that what I interrupted?" I swallowed hard, and explained everything to him as calmly as I could. The more I exposed, the more shut down he became. I was losing him before my very eyes, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. "So," he began, "last night, at the club. That guy wasn't confused was he? That was an old client of yours right?" He demanded. I nodded, and he cursed quietly.

"I'm sorry." I pleaded." I swear this was my last one! And I haven't been taking any clients for at least two weeks. Alice and Rosalie have been taking them all. I wanted to tell you, I just…I didn't know how. I was afraid to tell you! I knew that you'd hate me, and I couldn't live with that! Edward, I'm sorry! I love you I swear I do!" I begged, knowing it was no use. His head snapped up, and he glared at me.

"You love me? You've been lying to me since the day I met you! You were dating a lot of different men while you were dating me as well, and getting paid for it! I just caught you out on a fucking date after you'd been in my bed! And you have the audacity to tell me you love me? Fuck you! Get out!" He yelled, much louder than I'd anticipated. My heart stopped at the last.

"Edward, I'm sor-"

"GET OUT!" He screamed, pushing me to the door. I sent him one last pleading look before he slammed the door in my face. Almost immediately, the door opened again. "Did you fuck them too?" he demanded.

"Were you fucking them, and then coming home to fuck me?" "No, of course not!" I exclaimed. "Good, then you aren't as much of a slut as I first thought." He said, throwing my purse at me. He took out his wallet, and pulled out a few hundreds. "This should cover it right? Or is the going rate higher for whores?" He sneered, shoving the money in my hand. I threw it on the ground and slapped him. I may have been awful, and I may have felt like a whore, but he had no right to say that to me. "Go home Bella." He said, slamming the door again. I stood there for a few minutes, praying, hoping against hope that he would open the door and talk to me. That he would open the door and say 'okay, I'm upset but lets talk about it. Maybe I could forgive you for this.' But it didn't happen, and after a bout of tears I left.

I walked home, and it was the longest walk of my life. The entire way I was crying, replaying the last couple of months in my head. Of all the different times I could have, **should** have told him but was too much of a coward to open my mouth. My heart was broken, and I had been the one to break it. Worse than that, I'd been the one to break Edward's heart as well. How could I have expected him to forgive me for something I would never forgive myself for? That was stupid, and selfish, and ignorant. He was right, I was a slut. No, I was worse than that. So much worse in fact that I couldn't even think of a name to call myself. I reached my apartment unscathed, though I'd silently wished the whole way that someone would come by and shoot me. Or maybe just beat me within an inch of my life and leave me to suffer. I deserved that and more.

I went up to my room, ignoring the girls' calls to me, stripped down, and went to my closet. I dug through the many different pairs of pants and wrinkled up shirts until I found what I was looking for. A white, collared button down shirt that Edward had left here. It still smelled like him. I put it on, not bothering to button it, and crawled into bed. Alice and Rosalie were in there immediately, lying on either side of me, whispering words of encouragement and understanding. I felt very blessed and very undeserving to have two amazing friends such as them.

Two weeks later, I had finally had enough. I'd had enough of my moping around acting like I'd been the one victimized. I forced myself to get up, and shower and go downstairs. I tried my best to make small talk with the girls, and then left. I was still in Edward's shirt, and I'd thrown on a pair jeans. I refused to take it off, even to wash it. I didn't want to lose that smell of him; it was all I had left. I had tried my hardest to forget his face, and the memories that came along with it. I may not have been the victim, but it still hurt to remember what I'd fucked up.

I went to the little coffee shop around the corner from my house, ordered my fat free French vanilla cappuccino, and found a table by the window. I liked to people watch, it was interesting. You'd be surprised what you could learn about a person just by watching them, and even more surprised what you'd learn about yourself in the process. It was sort of comforting to hear the constant hum of conversation around me, the ding of the bell above the door every time someone came in or left the building, especially after being in complete silence for so long. It soothed a spot in my heart that had been aching for quite some time, and made me feel the tiniest bit better. It made me feel normal again, and I desperately needed that now.

My comfort was short-lived however, as I looked around the shop and noticed that just about everyone in here was with a date. Or at least with a companion of some kind, and then I saw him. My heart broke all over again and my throat was constricted. He was with a woman, and he was laughing. I glanced away, blinked the tears out of my eyes and looked back. It was definitely him, and he was definitely staring at me. I felt foolish; embarrassed for crying when I had done this to myself. I got up, and left quickly, praying he didn't realize it was me. I heard him calling after me, but I ignored him. Yes, I was my mother's daughter. I was too big to face the man I'd ripped apart. I had too much pride to face him in this moment, and have a conversation of any kind. I ran all the way home, up to my room and locked the door. This time, I crawled into bed fully clothed, and cried myself to sleep yet again.


	12. Misery loves Company

a/n: I don't own anything but the plot. BTW-I'm really diggin' Rob Pattinson's voice. I had no idea that he was singing Never Think in Twilight.

Miserable. That was the only way to describe my life, and my feelings. I was at the coffee shop again, it had been a month since I saw him here, and I refused to go back to that reclusive…shell of me again. So, I came here every day steeling myself just incase, but he wasn't here. I sent a quick thanks to the man upstairs for showing me the tiniest bit of mercy when I didn't deserve it. This was my new normal. Until I found another job, I sat here drinking my cappuccino, thinking of different jobs I could take, different places I could go. Today, I had my sketchbook, and I was doodling. The only problem I had was that I couldn't stop doodling Edward's face. Yeah, my plan didn't work. You know the one where I forgot his face, and the memories between us.

I remembered everything between us. But, the last two days I remembered the ease with which he was laughing with that lady. The care free look in his eye, the way is grin was crooked on the one side. It was beautiful, but it wasn't for me anymore. So I drew him the way he used to look at me. With his whole face lit up, eyes shining bright, showing all the love he held for me, his smile released at full strength. My heart ached this day because he was looking at that woman the way he used to look at me. It had only been shortly over a month, yet he'd moved on so quickly. Did I mean that little to him? Did what we had shared mean that little to him? Or had I just screwed him up that badly? I had never hated myself more than in that moment when I saw him with her. Because I knew, I would never again be as happy as I been with him.

A few hours of self destruction later, I made my way back home. I walked in, threw the book on the coffee table, and went to the kitchen. I grabbed a bottle of water, purely for something to do seeing as I wasn't thirsty, and went to the living room. I plopped down on the couch, and turned on the T.V. I flipped through a few channels and then turned it back off. I was really pathetic. With a heavy sigh, I made my way to my room, unbuttoning my pants along the way. I know I said I didn't want to be a shell of me anymore, but I was tired. I walked in my room and bit back the scream threatening to come from my mouth.

"Hi." He said quietly. I just stared at him, was he seriously in my room right now? This had to be a hallucination, it had to be. Why would he be here? Oh my gosh. I was going crazy! Great, just fucking great. I always wanted to be crazy. That was my lame attempt at a joke people. I promise I won't do it again. I was fully prepared to call a therapist when he stood up. Okay, he can't be a hallucination if he's moving around right? I mean, that doesn't sound like a hallucination does it? Crud. What was I supposed to do?

"Bella? Are you alright?" he asked, stepping a little closer. I couldn't move, I just stood there while he came within inches of me. He touched my face, and I refrained from leaning into his touch though I desperately wanted to. I couldn't show how vulnerable I was to him, he could be here to try and hurt me as badly as I'd hurt him. I could have saved him the trouble of trying though, it wasn't possible.

"Wha…what are you doing here, Edward?" I choked out. He stared at me for a moment, and then sighed. "I missed you. I saw you at the coffee shop, and I didn't want you to get the wrong impression. But when I called out to you, you wouldn't even look at me. That was my mom, Bella. We always meet for lunch and I picked the coffee shop afterwards because it reminded me of you." He explained his hand never leaving my face. I couldn't take it anymore, I moved away from him.

"You don't owe me anything, Edward. You don't have to explain who you're with, or you aren't with. I screwed that up remember?" I replied dryly. I pulled my pants off, and unbuttoned his shirt. "That's where that went to huh?" He said with a slight chuckle. I guess he was trying to make this situation a little less awkward, too bad it wasn't working. I held on to the stupid shirt for a moment, and then threw it to him. "You can have it. I meant to get it to you anyway, just haven't had the time." Or the guts. I mentally added. He threw it back to me. "You keep it; obviously I didn't miss it that much if you'd had it this whole time." I shrugged, and crawled into bed.

Why was he here? What did he want? If he came just to torture me he could spare himself the trouble. Again, I did enough of that for the both of us. Promise. I asked him as much, and then felt the bed shift as he lay next to me. I fought the tears. I would not cry. I didn't dare shed those damn tears for him. He pulled me against him so we were spooning, and sighed heavily. "I told you love, I missed you." He breathed onto my neck. I stiffened, and pushed him away. Asshole. He was drunk! That's why he was here? He wanted to fuck me? Seriously? I jumped out of the bed as quickly as I could.

"You need to leave, Edward. You shouldn't have come here." I snapped, pointing to the door. "What? Come on, Bella. Surely you missed this just as much as I have. Or have you been getting enough clients lately that you've forgotten me?" he fired off, stumbling. How could I not have seen this earlier? Because I was blind that's why. "Just go, Edward." I whispered, lying back down. "I shouldn't drive right now." He said so low I barely heard him. I snorted. Of course he shouldn't be driving. I got up, and let him have the bed. I grabbed an extra blanket from the hall closet, and when to the couch. I prayed that when I woke up in the morning he'd be gone.


	13. Moving out

a/n: I need some reviews. How come I always have to ask for them? Does the story suck that bad? I mean..jeez guys I could just stop writing it ya know.

When I woke up the next morning, he wasn't gone. I realized that the moment I got to my room, and noticed the still figure in my bed. I figured as much. I made my way quietly to my closet, and grabbed some clothes. When I turned around, he was awake. And staring at me. Lovely. I swallowed, and looked away.

"We didn't do anything so don't worry." I said still looking down. I was uncomfortable. It reminded me of when we'd first met, and gone on our first date. Though this was slightly more awkward than that. By a long shot actually. "Yeah, I know. Uh, look, I'm sorry about that. Thanks for letting my stay though, I shouldn't have even driven here let alone somewhere else." He replied. "It's good, don't worry about it." I said as nonchalantly as I could manage.

"Bella, despite what you're thinking, I did not come here last night for…uh, **that**. I just…I wanted to talk to you." He muttered. I stood there for a few more awkward minutes, not knowing what to say, and then hurried out. I used Alice's bathroom to shower and dress, and by the time I was finished, he was gone. I took that as a sign that I was right. He was only here for that, or else why did he leave?

The next couple months passed by uneventful. I continued to mope around, still damning the coffee shop with my presence. Rosalie had moved out, and into Emmett's place. I was sure Alice would be gone shortly. I knew she was only staying because of me. I told her daily not to worry, to go on and stay with Jasper. It was what she wanted, what she deserved. So, finally she took my advice. Today I was helping her pack, and move boxes to the living room. Jasper and Emmett were coming over tomorrow to take them to Jasper's place. We'd been crying off and on all day remembering when we'd first met in college, to the day we first rented this place. It'd been a long, very adventurous road, and we'd promised each other to keep it going even though she was moving out.

I went to bed that night reminiscing about old times with Alice and Rosalie. Alice was always the one who patched things up between Rose and me when we'd fight as kids. And Rose was always the one bullying anyone who even looked at Alice or I the wrong way. They both agreed that I was the one who balanced out the equation. I kept them grounded, and from getting arrested on more than one occasion.

In other words, I was the mother hen. And after tomorrow, I would be completely alone. Part of me wondered if I'd be alive in two weeks…not because I'd intentionally do anything just because I knew how I'd react. I'd get even more depressed, and not eat or anything. And then apart of me wondered if I'd get better. No, definitely not. I knew that for sure. I fell into a restless sleep, and woke constantly throughout the night.

By the next morning, I felt like shit and looked even worse. I was back in Edward's shirt again, and a pair of boyshorts. A bandana covered my ratty hair, and I was moving boxes from upstairs to down. A little while later, Jasper and Emmett came over…with Edward. I tried my best to ignore him as he maneuvered boxes out the door to Jasper. They had a cute little system going. Edward handed a box off to Jas, who gave it to Em, and then he'd carry it out. Only he took too long apparently because the other two followed him out with more boxes. I just wanted to be done with this.

"I'm sorry." Alice stated once they'd taken more boxes out. "I didn't know he was coming, or I would have said no." she explained sympathetically. I shook my head and smiled. "Its okay, I promise. Not your fault." I replied carrying another box downstairs.

Once down there, Alice began talking very loud. It made me wonder what she was up to as the boys came back in. "So, Bella, I'd really appreciate it if you could take this client on Saturday night. I mean, since I'm just moving into Jasper's I should probably stay there and unpack." She started. I nearly dropped the box I was holding. Did she seriously just bring this up in front of Edward? She was up to something for sure.

"Alice." I bit out through gritted teeth. "You know I haven't done that for a long time. So drop it." I snapped out the last bit, and shoved the box into Jasper angrily. I gave him an apologetic look and started back up the stairs. "Bella, I know you don't, but I really need you to do this for me. Please?" She all but begged. I stood my ground, and glared at her. "No." I said in finality. She glared back at me, and stomped off. I didn't dare glance back to see if the boys were watching.

I wanted to yell at her, scream or something, but I just couldn't. I knew what she was trying to do; she was trying to get Edward to see that I had given it up. I could have saved her the trouble, he didn't care. An hour later, we were all sitting in the living room, laughing about old times, Edward included. I tried my best to pretend everything was alright, but on the inside I was trembling. I was glad he'd become close to the guys, but…why did he have to be here? Without warning, Alice plopped herself down on my lap. I glared at her. She was going to do it again.

I tried to give her my best threatening look, but she just laughed causing everyone to look at us. Awesome. "Really, Bella you aren't that scary. I'm sorry sweetheart. Now, back to my problem." She began. I pushed her off of me onto the floor and reveled in the shocked expression on her face. Serves her right trying to do this to me in front of Edward of all people! "Yes, Alice you're right. It's **your** problem, not mine. I am absolutely not doing it." I hissed as quietly as I could. She sighed in frustration, and jumped up. Grabbing my hand, she pulled me a few feet away from the guys…for privacy? Yeah…because they couldn't hear us now.

"Bella, its one date! Only one I promise! I'll never ask you again, it's really important." She pleaded, giving her best pouting face. It was so not going to work this time. I shook my head no vigorously. "I can't believe you're even asking me this right now! In front of…him." I snapped she arched an eyebrow. "I can't believe your making a big deal out of this. You haven't even asked me the details, or the amount or anything." She rambled, ticking each point off on her fingers. I stared at her disbelief.

"Oh, now I'm really not doing it! Didn't I tell you how much of a whore I felt like after that whole fiasco with Edward? And you really think I'm going to take a date of yours, AND take the money? For real?" I exclaimed, way louder than I meant to. I felt my face flush as the guys quieted down to look at us. Shit.

"He's not paying anything, Bella. It's a charity case. He just wants to have dinner, and he agreed to meet at the coffee shop first. If you don't like him you can leave. It's just like it's always been, I promise." She explained, folding her arms over her chest. Oh, I hated that stance. It was the one she used when she knew she had you cornered! Damn it!

I sighed heavily, and folded my own arms in defeat. "He's really not paying anything?" I whispered. I so didn't want to do this. But I couldn't tell her no after all she'd done for me when I was with Edward. She smiled, and shook her head. "He really isn't paying anything." She repeated me. As she gave me all the details, as far as why he wanted a date and what time and such I kept glancing at Edward. I noticed he was smiling slightly, and I wondered what he thought of me now. Surely worse than he had before.


	14. Fool Me Once

Two days later, I was sitting at the coffee shop, waiting for some stupid guy to show up. I really did not want to do this. We were supposed to meet at seven o'clock; it was almost seven-thirty. I was literally gripping the arms of the chair to keep from leaving. Every time the damn bell dinged above the door, my heart stopped. I was hoping he didn't show up, after all he hadn't paid anything…so Alice said. When the bell dinged yet again, I glanced up and forgot to breathe.

What the fuck was he doing here tonight of all nights? Did he come here just to embarrass me? Or to make me nervous or what? Edward smiled at me, and walked on by. I didn't dare glance back to see where he was, I didn't want to know. I smoothed out the skirt of my white summer dress, and stared straight ahead. Wait…oh my gosh, was it him? Was that why the 'client' refused to pay anything? No, no! Damn it Bella do not get your hopes up! My heart was going so fast I thought it might jump out of my chest! I sat there for about ten more minutes, and then pulled out my cell phone.

I dialed Alice's number, and waited impatiently for her to answer. "Bella, why are you calling me when you should be on a date?" She demanded. "I don't know Alice, maybe because the creep hasn't bothered to show up yet." I snapped. "And do you happen to know why Edward decided to show up here?" I whispered praying he hadn't heard me. She just laughed, and replied, "It is a coffee shop, Bella. Maybe he's meeting someone. Here call this number and see where your date is." I listened as she prattled off the number and then hung up without saying goodbye. I felt a little bad, but oh well. I was flustered. I dialed the number I'd written down, and then tapped my foot impatiently as it rang, and rang, and then the voicemail picked up.

"Yeah, hi this is your **date** calling to find out where the hell you are. I'm leaving in five minutes." I snapped my phone shut, and ignored the little voice in my head telling me to turn around. I would not look at him, not even once. He knew this was where I was meeting Alice's client, so I knew it wasn't just a coincidence that he was here; even if he was meeting someone. I waited exactly five more minutes, and was about to leave when a guy approached me. "Excuse me are you Bella?" he asked nervously. He wasn't bad looking, a little geeky maybe, but that was okay. He was tall, lanky though, he had icy blue eyes, and blondish brown hair. It was so cute that he was nervous, but I wasn't letting him off the hook that easily.

"Yeah, that's me." I said dryly. He sat down instantly, but kept glancing over my head. I arched my brow, and crossed my arms. "Can I help you with something?" I said a bit harshly. Hey, he was forty-five minutes late, paying client or not, that's just rude. "I'm sorry, my name's Mike, I'm sorry I'm so late I'm just a bit nervous. I've never done this kinda thing before, and well, yeah as I said I'm nervous. And now I'm rambling. Okay, I'm finished." He prattled off, fidgeting with his fingers. I couldn't help it, I laughed. It was kind of cute, him being so nervous. I sighed, and uncrossed my arms.

"Don't sweat it, really. I've been later than this with clients before. Sorry I snapped it's been a rough day." I apologized with a small smile. He smiled in return, and though it was no Edward smile, it was nice all in its own. We sat there and talked for a while, conversation flowing easily between us. We ended up ordering just dessert, and once finished, he offered to walk me home. He was sweet enough throughout our 'date', if you could even cal lit that, so I figured why not? We'd just got to my door, and I was about to invite him in when my door opened. That caught me off guard in itself, but the person on the other side, that almost gave me a heart attack.

"Hello, love. Did you have a nice time?" Edward asked, a smile resting on his face. My jaw dropped, I couldn't help it. First of all, when did he leave the coffee shop? Second of all, where in the fuck did he get a key to my apartment? And lastly, why the hell did he just call me love?? What. The. Fuck. "Edward, what are you doing?" I asked through gritted teeth. "What? I can't greet my **wife** at the door?" he asked, still smiling. Okay, wait…WHAT?! "Oh, uhh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were married. I'll just...Uh...yeah bye." Mike stated and hurried off. Just as I was about to yell, Edward grabbed my arm and yanked me inside.


	15. My Happy Ending

Once inside, he slammed the door and pushed me against it. I just stared at him, with my best evil stare, and silently dared him to say the wrong thing. He approached me slowly, like a hunter approaching his prey, making me squirm. I knew he was doing it on purpose, and that only fueled the fire…and not the fire he wanted fueled. I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off with a kiss. For a moment, I allowed it, too engrossed with pleasure to say anything, but then suddenly, I remembered I was pissed and pushed him away from me.

"You don't get to do that anymore!" I yelled, pointing a finger at him. He arched a brow, and just stared at me. "What the hell are you doing in my apartment? And why were you at the coffee shop? And where did you get a key to my apartment?" I asked quickly, more questions were popping up, but he didn't give me a chance to ask them. He pushed me back up against the door, rougher this time, and kissed me harder. When he broke away, I just looked at him, confused, and more turned on than I remember ever being with him.

. His eyes told me there was no room for speaking, no room for anything but what he wanted. He pushed my skirt up, while I unbuttoned his pants. He ripped my underwear off of me at the same moment I pushed his pants down just far enough to suit the purpose. My eyes fluttered closed and I sighed in pleasure as he slipped inside me. Oh God, how I'd missed this. This was perfection, how it was supposed to be. It didn't matter that we weren't in a bed, or otherwise romantic area, it was romantic in our own way. The faster he went, the louder I became until all at once the orgasm shuddered through us both. I rested my head against his shoulder as he laid tender kisses along my neck and collarbone.

We stayed that way for a short time before he carried me to his bedroom, and undressed me completely. Once we were both naked, he crawled into bed, and pulled me so my back was against his chest. It was a perfect fit, just like it always was between us. We laid in silence for quite awhile, enjoying the feel of each others' bodies again. I was fighting a battle within myself. I was torn between falling asleep now, and fearing he'd be gone when I awoke, or staying awake and facing the demons that needed to be faced for good. I chose the latter, and with a heavy sigh, I turned over to face him. His eyes were closed, and he looked so peaceful albeit the dark circles under his eyes. Another piece of my heart broke away when I realized I was the cause for those dark spots. I had caused him to lose sleep, among other worse things I'm sure. I thought he was sleeping, until a slow smile spread across his face and his eyes opened.

"What?" He whispered brushing his fingertips along my jaw line. I shuddered from his touch, oh how I'd missed that. "I was just admiring your lovely features up close again, and hating myself for the rough spots that weren't there before." I whispered in return. He started to say something, but I stopped him. "Answer my questions, Edward." I demanded, tracing his face lightly. His eyes fluttered closed for a few seconds, and then he stared intently at me.

"Alice gave me the key, of course. I was at the coffee shop because I was supposed to be your date. Mike wasn't supposed to show up; I'll have to get in touch with him about that later. Alice gave me the key because she said, 'I don't trust that Newton guy, he's bad news'." I just stared at him in disbelief. I wanted to ask so many questions, but the only one that came up was, "Why?" his face showed his confusion, so I elaborated. "Why were you supposed to be my date? Why did you want to be my date?"

"Because I love you, and I don't care what you've done I need you in my life. All that time of not having you there, especially at night when I couldn't sleep, I had to force myself to stay put. I wanted so badly to come to you, but I was still hurting. I just…needed a little time to take it all in. And then after Alice came to see me, and explained a few things to me, I realized it didn't matter.

"I didn't care what you had done, I just needed you." He explained, his eyes never leaving mine. I didn't realize I was crying until he began wiping at the tears. "I'm so sorry." I cried, burying my face in his chest. "It's all right love, you're human. We all make mistakes. Look what I did, showing up at your apartment when you weren't there, drunk and expecting sex." He chuckled darkly.

I snorted. "That's apples and oranges Edward. I didn't just get drunk one night and try and fuck you, I basically cheated on you." I stated dryly. "I don't see it that way…now. You were working, and you had no attachment to them at all, so that isn't considered cheating. It doesn't matter anyways love, it's in the past. Let's leave it there okay?" He whispered, kissing me again. We fell asleep in each others' arms as we had so many times before this. Only now, it was different, better. There were no secrets between us now, and I intended to keep it that way.

**a/n: thanks to everyone who reviewed, and to all of you lovely people that added my story to your favorites…I just have to say this to a certain reviewer-I certainly hope that I was able to unbreak your heart. [=Check out my newest post …title is 'A Vision and a Plan' **


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